Fire & Flood

Session Sixteen: Visions

Finding the Cathedral

  • When Andrei and Derp finally find the “Whiskey Temple” Cathedral late in the night they encounter a mad, feverish gnome who gibbers at them in nonsense but guides them forward.
  • Inside the Temple they are led to a door and a cranky gnome who tells them the tours do not begin until the morning. There are cots outside for tourists and they decide to rest.
  • Before resting Andrei begs for and buys a bottle of something strange and ancient. Andrei chugs the bottle and finds the ability to shout a wave of force from his breath. He dreams of dragons and tall bearded men that night.
  • The rest of the party awakes and wonders where Derp and Andrei have gone but Andrei wisely sent a skeleton with a message which guides them to the temple.

The Tour

  • Finding the gift shop and asking for a tour they find there are different versions and Derp unwittingly buys everyone the “Deluxe” tour aside from Marquis who abstains.
  • The gift shop gnome recognizes Rikki’s fish-like condition and recommends a cure disease potion which he sells Sophie at a “special price.” The potion cures her fishiness but also casts Enlarge Person on her.
  • An old gnarled gnome named Farkas leads the party on the tour describing all of the mad brews which they concoct here, approximately 28% of which actually make sense.
  • Drinking all the while and noticing other inebriated gnomes there are rumors of cloning and captured demons and gods here and hints that the temple travels through different planes and times. Eventually Andrei spots a part of the tour that is marked off limits as well as the desiccated corpse of another tour guide identical to Farkas.
  • At this point Andrei creates chaos by raising the other, deader, tour guide, because booze, and leads the party down a dark tunnel to a part of the “Super Deluxe Tour” that has not been seen in eons.
  • Another gnome, covered in dust, seemingly the twin of Farkas offers them the ultimate whiskey of the ages, The Maker’s Mark.


  • As each person lifts a glowing glass to their lips the whiskey finds its way inside them whether they are willing or not and all goes black.

Sophie sees from the eyes of a small child, held in the arms of a younger Merrix d’Cannith as he surveys an underground factory which churns out Warforged after Warforged.

Derp is younger, wandering an alleyway, confused, alone and hungry. He finds a hat, nibbles on it, and then places it on his head when he is startled by a screeching cat. Looking down he sees a dead gentleman and a pouch of gold and understands how he can benefit.

Rikki is young and bruised. She wears ragged clothes and is afraid. The university rears up before her and an old man takes her hand, leading her inside.

Forte walks with four other Warforged, slogging through a rough land. Cresting a ridge they see the towers of Cyre on the horizon before a mushroom cloud appears and a massive shock wave hits them, casting them back.

Andrei arrives at a gala, resplendent and with many handshakes. Something happens which shows him it is the night he fell from grace.

  • The world swirls and there are more visions.

Sophie looks up from the floor of the factory as she polishes the head of a yet to be activated Warforged. On a balcony stands her father in a military uniform. Soldiers rush in, the lights flicker and she sees them brutally kill her father.

Derp is in a deep pit surrounded on all sides by shouting people, being forced to fight exotic beasts, one after the other, and as a great gorilla is dragged out, its spine broken, what looks like a velociraptor is let into the cage as people stand and shout, waving money in the air.

Rikki is in a jail cell, deep beneath the city. Looking through the bars she can see that all of the cells are filled with Shifters and the sorrow filled sounds of many animals fill the hall. A fat, balding human guard walks to the barred door and looks inside, saying “Guess it’s time to do this one now,” and chuckling. She is dragged screaming from the room.

Forte stands by the bed of Sophie who is older and wears many scars. He has lost an arm and much of his body is scorched and broken. She has a bandage around her torso and she is dying. He holds her hand as she breathes her last.

Andrei looks up through rheumatic eyes at a dark sky and feels broken pieces of glass in his back. He is in a gutter and as he feels in his pockets he finds nothing but scraps of paper. There is a pain in his chest and he realizes he’s covered in urine as he dies, alone in the night.

  • There is a blinding light and a last round of visions.

Sophie stands in that same factory, looking out on machines that have been converted to the manufacture of weapons. Machine guns turn out in the thousands from the machines and she wears a military uniform.

Derp stuffs his face at a long buffet line, an honor banquet for heroes and kings.

Rikki holds a newborn child in her hands, half shifter, half human as she looks up into the eyes of Professor Moranis.

Forte finds himself in full military kit, motioning forward a group of warforged like none he’s ever seen as artillery bursts around them. Guns chatter in the distance. He wears the stars of a general.

Andrei stands in regal attire before an army of zombies as the mayor places her hand on his shoulder, nodding with a smile and asking, “Are you ready? They’re waiting.”

  • The world coalesces around them and they are on a ship. An airship. And they are wearing uniforms fringed with red and gold and labels with a strange insignia of a tower encircled by a cog. They each carry identities which are not their own.
  • The airship is gigantic, like a massive sailing ship but with complex latice wings. It pulses with energy and power and barely visible strips of red energy can be seen curling toward other much smaller flying ships. Like fighter planes they surround the larger ship and below them they see armies of soldiers interspersed with phalanxes of Warforged, each one crackling with magic. Flights of demonic zombies move within them.


  • The party is startled and awakened in the courtyard of the cathedral. Marquis is there and he has t-shirts from the gift shop. Each one says “I went to the Whiskey Temple and all I got was hammered.”
  • The party are wracked with madness and sickness and are put to bed begrudgingly by the confused Marquis.
Session Fifteen: A Brush with Death
  • As everyone realizes the severity of the situation, Sophie attempts to cast more spells but is distracted by the monster as it seems to take control of Mr. Derp, who begins to strangle the zombie Marissa.
  • The Aboleth reaches out and with a flurry of tentacles Rikki sinks beneath the water, her life gone as she begins to turn a sickly green.
  • Andrei levitates above the water and makes the best of the situation while Forte manages to do quite a bit of damage to the beast, immune to its biological effects.
  • As Sophie skitters across the ceiling, now levitating as well, Mr. Derp attacks Forte as the image of another monster raises behind Andrei and Rusty.
  • As Derp and Forte grapple in combat, Rikki’s lifeless body floats by Sophie as she does her best to bring it back to life and the dolphins fly into a rage, Sophie is attacked by the monster and nearly dies as well.
  • Rushing to stop Derp from harming his friends, the zombie Marissa is caught off guard by an errant tentacle and ripped literally limb from limb. As he swings his hammer at Forte, Mr. Derp cries in anguish.
  • Finally the monster expires as Rikki is brought back to the edge of life and the party decides their time in this tunnel is limited.
  • Diving to the bottom, Forte sees that there is a small exit and they all pour through, finding a quickly flooding tunnel on the other side.
  • Sophie, nearly exhausted, manages to shape the stone of the tunnel to block the entrance, stopping the flooding here but as the party attempts to move on, Rikki discovers that when she leaves the standing water, she suffers immense pain.
  • Quickly the party realizes she has contracted a strange disease from the monster and Marquis gathers wooden debris which Sophie can craft into a cart to carry Rikki in, full of cool water.
  • Much tension is caused as Mr. Derp comes to the realization that Marquis’ actions caused the explosion, taking his beloved (For all of a day, come on!) Marissa from him. There are rumblings of revenge as he and Andrei set off to scout the tunnel.
  • As Sophie theorizes as to the reasons for Goblins carrying gunpowder, Andrei and Derp commiserate before Andrei finds an ancient scrawl on the tunnel walls. It says, “Whiskey Temple that way.”
  • Derp struggles to keep up as the party beds down at camp.
Session Fourteen: The Lesson
  • The party passes through caverns and tunnels which turn ever more lonesome and narrow, seldom used and poorly maintained.
  • Scouting ahead, Rikki spots a group of goblins making camp. Unsure of how to proceed and with no way around the party decides to send an emissary. Marquis is chosen but declines until being goaded into his, his compatriots manipulating his pride.
  • As he sets off he quite literally disappears and Rikki sets off after him. She sees there are five goblins, three warriors and two strange ones carrying large barrels with them, and then there is Marquis, amongst them and slaying him with his flaming Tangat.
  • There is an explosion and the roof collapses, quickly flooding the tunnel and leaving the party scrambling. Rust Monsters, it turns out, are natural highly adept swimmers. Who knew?
  • Derp notices that the water is filled with fish and plant life as if from a giant lake as the rest of the party, coming to the surface of the nearly flooded tunnel, begin to see tentacles coming from a giant shape in the water.
  • Sophie casts Bless quickly as Rikki summons three celestial porpoises. Soon the tunnel is filled with flashing, chromatic lights as Marquis is hypnotized and the scene closes.
Session Thirteen: Arguments
  • Andrei covers Rusty in liquor bottles from the lavish pantry and when commanded to awake the party it is learned that the sound of a Rust Monster’s howl is like the crushing of rusted cars.
  • The party is led by Marissa to Calderis’ office where shenanigans occur because, of course. Rikki tries to steel the FUCKING DOOR KNOB because it is silver and Sophie rolls a one to stop her.
  • Forte, unconcerned, reads a book. Giant Wooly Alligators are a thing, evidently. Also, there’s a recipe for braised Aboleth.
  • Calderis gives the party a flute and shows them where on the map to contact the Kobolds by playing a special tune. In return the party says, “Dur…” Calderis dies a little inside.
  • The party is a bunch of fucktards, evidently.
  • Calderis flies into a rage, kicks everyone out and promises to kill Marissa later that night before sending her out to escort the party where she clutches Marquis in tears and gives him a mirror. Calderis then exits and her final words before disappearing in a cloud of smoke are, “Tell Enoch I said hi when you see him.”
  • An honor guard appears to keep the party in check and escort them out as Sophie, in a strange turn of events, takes the initiative and kills Marissa for Calderis.
  • Andrei, in a normal turn of events, raises Marissa as a zombie. Derp is confused as hell, but now he has a “friend.”
  • Marquis is shown to be not only vain but possibly not as intelligent as the party might’ve imagined but ends up destroying a scrying mirror given to him by Calderis.
  • The party moves onward, not towards the goal given by Calderis but to the exotic gnomish brewery which Enoch had told them of.
Session Twelve: Interview With the Vampire
  • The party is introduced to a vaguely uninterested Calderis (Lawful neutral Female Human Vampire, Level 15 Scion Seer), a sexy and seductive vampire.
  • Calderis questions the party before showing the true depth of her knowledge. She deals in . . .secrets . . .
  • The party finds the ultimate hospitality which sees Mr. Derp overeat and Rikki throw a weasel at Caleris’ pet Puma which upsets Herr Kuntsqueiller.
  • Andrei notices Darp from the Drunken Bear at a table in the corner, talking with another person before he sees the party and sneaks away.
  • Sophie negotiates with Calderis and gives her schematics for her strange weapon in return for helping the party.
  • Calderis is very aggressive towards Marquis who shows an obvious hatred towards her. He is then put under mind control.
  • The party is shown lavish quarters for the night, Rikki choosing to spend it with a bevy of buff half-elves and there is a bonding between the tearful Marquis and Sophie.
  • There are zombies in the closet, Andrei is too drunk to care.
Session Eleven: An Easy Test
  • The party encounters a rust monster which, while leaving Forte fearing for his life, is defeated handily by the expanded party.
  • Derp, on the other hand, fights a Monstrous Wombat alone and is nearly killed.
  • Alyssa urges the party on, and despite Andrei’s best efforts, move on they do, but not before Andrei raises the rust monster, affectionately naming it “Rusty.”
  • Along the way Derp captures a bat, affectionately naming it “Batty.” God is unimpressed with the party’s creativity.
  • Alyssa and Clarissa shows the party to Calderis’ lair where they are escorted by Marissa to private chambers. While not lavish, they are well equipped but also lined with mirrors, most with a hint of scrying magic about them.
  • The party is told they will have the evening to rest before being introduced to Caleris in the morning but while Rikki and Sophie take advantage of the facilities and Andrei lays on a bender Forte takes it upon himself to shatter the mirror in the waiting room.
  • Shortly thereafter Alyssa appears and brings the party directly to Calderis’ chamber, a large, lavish, well appointed den of hedonism and degradation. Pert and scantily clad, dead-eyed servants wait on every need while amid the debauchery Ernie Kuntsqueiller is noticed on a couch with a slut in his lap.
Session Ten: The Party Meanders
  • Rikki bangs a Buschemi and then. . . Wait, what the fuck?
  • Alyssa casts Command Person on Rikki to prevent more . . . Whatever the fuck that was.
  • Mr. Derp finds a three eyed mutant mole which he names Mr. Blinky. The Mole defeats Derp’s cracker “attack” and runs away.
  • The party finds evidence of a rust monster and then—
  • Surprise. The party finds a rust monster and a. . . Dire Wombat?
Session Nine: Dungeon Crawling
  • Shortly after joining the party of Servants, the lead Vampire Alyssa leads them through a hidden door down an older, secret corridor.
  • Along the way Sophie strikes up conversation with one of the Servants, named Buscemi, gaining insight into their lives, or lack there of. He tells her of their semi-slave state and their daily rituals.
  • Forte is still unsure of the true nature of the deck of cards he received from Enoch, but continues to examine it, occasionally leaving himself oblivious in the process.
  • Andrei attempts to sow seeds of doubt in Alyssa’s mind concerning Calderus only to be rebuked at every turn by the agitated evil cleric in the party. Much bickering ensues.
  • Derp attempts to find food but instead finds the remains of a still undead zombie. He puts the creature out of its misery and notices that it has no legs. He finds them nearby and proceeds to eat the zombie’s shoes of move silently +4. His farts are silent for the next fortnight.
  • The party is distracted by the discovery and decides they potentially may face a rust monster. Forte is agitated by this. Also it is learned that the corpse was once Enoch’s nephew. More terse exchanges between Andrei and Alyssa before the party moves on, searching for rest.
  • Along the way the party exchanged tales of the mythical Glampires.
  • Finding a long looted control room the party assembles for rest. Somehow Rikki ends up sleeping with Buscemi.
  • Late into the night Forte and Alyssa play poker with Alyssa, in a fit of uncharacteristic rage, throwing the two of clubs to the ground. A Kobold appears. . .
Session Eight: Intrigue
  • The party attempts once more to leave the bar, mildly battered and still shaken up.
  • Setting off in the direction of the Quieter Ones Kobold tribe, they find themselves approached by a familiar prospector, clothes once more and surrounded by friends.
  • The prospector threatens them and his party attacks. After a successful intimidation check most of the enemies run but combat continues one.
  • Sophie eyes the ceiling and plans to wipe them out in one fell swoop, targeting carefully and causing a cave in directly above the attackers.
  • Unbeknownst to the party, the rafters are full of Servants of Calderus, which fall in the debris caused by Sophie’s lucky shot, crushing the remaining attackers and killing one of their own.
  • The leader of the Servants, a Vampire, takes command of Andrei and combat is soon resolved as the black-clad Servants profess their lack of hostility, instead beckoning the party to follow them to Calderus’ lair.
  • Despite the vehement protests of Marquis and others, the party agrees to follow.
Session Seven: Conflict Within
  • Before leaving the Drunken Bear Forte decides to do some shopping.
  • When given a menu by the gimp halfling bartender, listed amongst the normal potions and provisions there is a “grab bag.”
  • Forte at first balks at its 450gp price, but Sophie heals the halfling’s broken arm and in its gratitude it offers a discount to 250gp. Forte accepts.
  • In the bag are many random items including a figurine of a unicorn, a couple of stone artifacts, some potions, a strange cloak, and a bottle of ancient brandy. In the very bottom of the bag is a slip of paper which indicates the original owner of the items was one Enoch Wallisarn of Skyway.
  • Forte takes the cloak (Robe of Vermin). Sophie hands Andrei the Brandy and hijinks ensue.
    Andrei finds himself incredibly intuitive to the history of the bottle and cannot resist the urge to drink it, thereby becoming possessed. Rikki attempts to stop him and after a long battle involving the Bear, the party retires back to their room to rest.
  • Hangovers are nursed.

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